And God Created Boredom

Looking at the sunset above makes me bored. Well, to begin with, I took that photo because I was bored. Heck, I even came to that place because I knew I was getting bored with my life. And such is the power of boredom.

So I wonder how God created this equalizing force that binds all of humankind.

It was after the six-day creation and one day of rest that God felt something was missing. He looked at heaven and earth, and saw that both were good. He looked at the sun, moon and stars, and saw that they too were good. He looked at the beasts and the birds, the plants and the trees, and saw that they were all good. Then He looked at Adam and Eve.

"Man, they're so perfect ... and so unexciting," God said. "There's something I must add to spice up their oh-so-perfect lives."

That was when God decided to plant the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. He asked the tree to grow fast, and it did. In 1.23 seconds, the tree grew to maturity, without ever undergoing the usual process called 'photosynthesis.' Then He put a snake in it to make it different from the other trees. And God saw that it was oh so good.

It was now the perfect time to tweak the psyche of man and woman. God hid in the bushes where Adam and Eve used to make love every 2.69 minutes. After the two's orgy, they fell asleep. While deep in their slumber, God sprinkled some bora-bora dusts in their faces and left. Just like that.

Eve woke up first and felt nothing. She woke Adam up, and he too felt nothing. They so felt nothing that they both passed up having another round of hot, steamy sex. Instead, Eve stood up and walked around the garden. That's when she saw the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, with the snake dangling idly on one of its lower branches.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Thanks to God and His bora-bora dusts, we all came to be. Thanks as well to Eve, the first bored person in the entire universe. If not for her boredom, we wouldn't be all feeling this awesome feeling. Without which, we wouldn't be so crazy enough to try crazier things to do. Without which, we wouldn't imagine and dream and make a lot of mistakes. Without which, we would all be oh-so-perfectly living unexciting lives in paradise. Bless her soul.

And now I'm bored. In a different version of the above story, I guess when God showered the earth with bora-bora dusts, I was in the sinkhole right across the POEA building along Ortigas Avenue, sleeping with my extremities and my mouth wide open, and it got flooded with dusts, and I was very lucky to absorb all its nourishing goodness.

Through this amazing boredom, I was forced to put up my third (or fourth) blog. From this moment forward, I will be using this platform to tell you how bored I am and to let you know all the things I'd do to relieve me of one of God's most mystifying creations, albeit momentarily. 

Ladies and gents, strangers and friends, who I hope have all been sprinkled with bora-bora dusts, welcome to THE BORED NOYPI.